July Twenty-Eight: I’ve Got No Words

I’ve got two drafts that I’ll probably never finish because other human beings might read them. One is about my affinity for inanimate objects and it exposes a private insanity to a degree that would be off-putting to people I know personally who read this. I don’t fuck pillows or balloons or anything; I would write about that because it would be funny. The other is about a girl and it’s all dada and shit.

My driver’s license is suspended because I didn’t show up to court. I didn’t want to. It seemed like a hassle so I didn’t do it. I still haven’t done it. I thought I should really save money but instead I bought a gun, a stereo receiver I’m not even using (I already have two), some records I won’t listen to but thought I should own, a box of shotgun shells I might use but have no plans on using at this time, and a jacket that I took to the tailor. I might not even pick it up when it’s done. I love how bad her English is. It makes me feel funny to listen to her talk. She thinks my jacket is too small but I like it too small. She asked if I wanted the sleeves and inch longer while holding a floppy tape measure to my wrist and I just stood there and delayed giving an answer because it was so funny. I don’t even want the jacket. It’s hot outside. Some people make you feel funny when they talk. These people are usually good talkers too and they are always serious about their subject. Like Roy Masters. When I listen to him talk about Jesus or how cancer is a spiritual disease or something, I just smile a crooked smile and bask in the funny feeling. Is it his voice? Is it the crazy shit that’s coming out of his mouth or the conviction with which he says it? It’s so hypnotizing.

It hurts when I pee. Instead of worrying I just listen to the Frank Zappa song ‘Why Does It Hurt When I Pee’ over and over and laugh. Goddamn it’s funny. It’s probably a UTI but it’s probably also Gonorrhea. I have to piss a lot and with a kind urgency and it hurts. There was another symptom in there somewhere but I can’t remember it now. I did make a doctor’s appointment and I’ll pee in a cup and I’ll be in another state when I get the results back saying I have the Clap. Then I’ll have to… nevermind. We don’t have to talk about that. That is sad. Sad things happen a lot. A horse died while running a race at Cal Expo. I wanted to go to the horse races but the season is over. I didn’t enjoy the fair at all because I just wanted to bet on horses. They’re so goddamn funny looking and I always lose money but feel like a winner. The fair was the same as it was last year and I went at about the same time on about the same day. They had the same jumping things and the bungee jump that I want to do but it scares me and costs forty dollars and the same rides in the same locations and food stands and things this year sponsered by heineken and the cenement is hot but my god, how pretty are teenage girls these days and how goofy are teenage boys. where do I find one of them? I went with a girl who wanted to go and I didn’t , once again, just like last year. There was some kid’s artword and this girl named Lydia (such a sweet name (I should have paid to fuck you on redbook)) made a quilt that was really fucking intrigate and it sweirled fadn dhad a coogd color scheme of purples of different hues. Yoga class in summer shchool at the communuty college, I think thats where i met one before and theyll thwo anfisn but rae damn youre pretty and weird. He name was Rea pronounced ray; rearea rea rea rear eae rae raaa rea read read rea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ra era rea rae ra rea ra rea rea rea rea rea rear ear ea rea rea rea rea rea rEa REa rea Rea rea Rea Rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea ea rea rea rea rea rea rea rea (editor repeat until page is full)

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