March Thirty: Raining in The Valley

I went out with a new girl I met downtown and her little sister. We went on a date to Folsom, which is a well-to-do community of professionals and their despicable offspring.  These kids grew up in the suburbs, went to college, then moved to the suburbs. They love trucks with lifts, country music, boats, steroids and fucking ugly chicks. The police are especially vicious out there. They are fucking everywhere too. There’s no real crime since it’s basically only inhabited by white people, so the cops just sit around and give out speeding tickets and DUIs. Every house is spread out so far that nearly everyone drives drunk too. The dick of the law fucks everyone there and nobody seems to notice or care. If the police disappeared overnight that place would be just as safe as it is now, only when fights broke out (which they do everywhere) nobody would have to inconvenience their mom or dad with a call from jail. Worse still is the people out there are basically as unfriendly as possible. It’s like they work at it. Your average Roseville/Folsom kid has the entitlement complex of a hipster with half the useless knowledge and one-hundred times the desire to fight you. The chicks are cunty and as ugly as I’ve encountered. The male to female ratios in most bars nearly 3:1. If this is what hard work leads to then I’m glad I’m a loafer. Police, drunk assholes and busted broads. Time to go home.

My date and I had some drinks at a bar with a loud band doing covers of songs that should have never been popular in the first place. They were like a live jukebox that some piece of shit spent 20 dollars to play the Journey discography on. You know those internet jukeboxes that are in every bar that sucks? They have the full version on In-a-gadda-da-vita on them. It’s like fifteen minutes long and you can hit the ‘play next’ button to inject it in the middle of someone else’s set. I do it three times for good measure. My date, her sister and I were walking down the sidewalk to another bar when I bumped shoulders with an obese woman in a dress. I said “sorry” and kept walking like a normal person. Her boyfriend (or whoever) wasn’t happy with this and went into full Fat Boy Rage. He was yelling to the point where his voice was cracking. I actually was so absorbed in my conversation with the girls that I was a good twenty yards away before I realized he was yelling at me. I turned around and he was shouting “GET BACK HERE” “GET BACK HERRREEE” in the most awkward way possible. I was too far away to really walk back though so I just looked at him for a second and all of his friends started leaving without him. It was fucking embarrassing. I kept thinking “can I even do a choke on this guy? He’s fucking fat. Is this going to ruin the night for the girls if I beat his ass?” Then we walked away and made fun of him for a bit. We went to another bar which had some intolerable shit pouring into it through the speakers and went outside where a fight broke out and it started raining. I decided I had done enough flirting and enough drinking with the girl and the sister for the night and told her to come get a room with me at the hotel across the street. She said no. She took me back to my car and then she took her sister home but said she wanted to hang out some more before she left. It was already 2:30 so I knew sex was inevitable (if I could still get an erection). I figured my date didn’t want to look like a slut in front of her sister so I called and asked about the hotel again after she took her home. She said no. She lives with her parents and they were mad last time when I fucked her and slept over so we had no good options besides the hotel that was right fucking next to us. We were also both pretty buzzed and in a city full of bored, aggressive cops. I drove to her house and picked her up. Then I drove a block past her parents house in the pitch black cul-de-sac and parked my car. We went into the back seat and started making out with her. When I pulled off her panties, that beautiful pussy smell filled my car almost instantly. Hers is intense but pleasant like Gardenia or something. I fucked her hard and listened to the pitter-patter of the rain on my car and her gentle moans and wondered if the rain would wash the tobacco spit from my driver’s side door. We were butt-ass naked in my car when I blew my load. I drove home once I could see through my windshield. My defroster never worked so hard in its life.

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